Download 500 Dates: Dispatches from the Front Lines of the Online by Mark Miller PDF

By Mark Miller

Now a number of years post-divorce, courting specialist and slapstick comedian Mark Miller has skilled greater than first dates. In 500 Dates, composed of fifty-five humor essays, Miller gains the highlights and lowlights of these dates.
Among the genuine relationship stories and revelations you can find during this publication are:

• How Miller and his date realized the restrictions of a guy being too emotionally expressive. (“Most men examine revealing extra approximately themselves emotionally and speaking on a deeper point approximately as stress-free as falling face-first onto an ice pick—or spending the remainder of eternity hearing Celine Dion music.")

• Miller's attention that usually males need to pay a heavy expense for his or her dates' earlier dating behavior.("At least six assorted occasions, God has matched me up with a lady who has had an extended heritage of untamed, impulsive, passionate, no-holds-barred intercourse. She at all times reveals whatever missing in that way of life and makes a decision to make a metamorphosis. beginning with the very subsequent guy she dates. who's perpetually me.")

• Miller's inaccurate social scan to split relationship from prestige through spending below $20 at the date, paying for every little thing at a 99¢ shop, and what he discovered, accordingly, approximately his date and himself. (“I notice now that at the trip of romance, thrift and creativity will take you just to date - for the remainder of the journey, you'll desire MasterCard.")

• published for the 1st time the interior workings of a man's brain.
("Cerebellum. liable for coordinating move and keeping stability. Used basically while a guy has had 8 beers and is endeavoring to make his method to the rest room with out tripping over the puppy and pulling the fish tank over on best of them.")

• How Miller took his date to his ex-wife's vacation social gathering merely to discover his date and his ex-wife bonding like highschool girlfriends. (“Pam might take Amy apart and current to her an inventory of all 273 of my failings, such a lot of which, she confides to Amy, won't develop into visible until eventually month 3 of Amy's being with me. Amy is shocked; she'd simply been conscious of 149 of my failings.")
But 500 Dates is ready even more than courting. Its humor essays additionally disguise romance, relationships, breakups, allure, the character of affection, and the way either women and men view the artwork, technological know-how, expectancies, and truth of courtship and turning courtship into whatever deeper and longer lasting within the twenty-first century. all through those essays, a part of that have been formerly released in quite a few media, Miller offers a feeling of desire approximately one's romantic clients. Readers will locate that the top of a wedding, even a long term one, doesn't suggest the tip of romance—or one's humorousness.

Show description

Read or Download 500 Dates: Dispatches from the Front Lines of the Online Dating PDF

Similar humor books

Timbré (Les annales du Dique-monde, Tome 33)

Moite von Lipwig, arnaqueur et imposteur, est contraint à faire un choix capital : être pendu ou remettre sur pied le carrier postal moribond d’Ankh-Morpork.
Une décision épineuse.
Mais il doit veiller à ce que le courrier passe, malgré l. a. pluie, l. a. grêle, l. a. neige, les chiens, l. a. Société de prévoyance et de bienfaisance des employés des postes, le président malfaisant de los angeles Compagnie sémaphorique de l’interurbain, et un tueur nocturne.
Sortir avec Adora Belle Chercœur serait aussi bien agréable.
Peut-être faut-il un filou pour réussir là où des hommes honnêtes ont échoué ; peut-être le poste équivaut-il aussi à un arrêt de mort.
A moins qu’on n’assiste à une tentative de rédemption dans le monde timbré du courrier, un monde en attente d’un affranchi…

Weak Messages Create Bad Situations: A Manifesto

Artist David Shrigley, writer of What the Hell Are You Doing? , provides his subversive and surreal tackle the complicated messages that inundate our day-by-day lives

Lots of people in society this present day are feeble-minded. They don't understand what the HELL is happening. regrettably a lot of those individuals are liable for operating the rustic. Their principles are MEANINGLESS, illustrated utilizing garbage imagery (often made by way of a computer). The silly phrases they write are consistently in undesirable FONTS. but nonetheless humans HEED this nonsense. possibly you're this sort of humans? It's all right. i'm the following that can assist you. i've got a FULLY-COMPOSED international VIEW. i've got robust reviews approximately every thing. And my rules are HAND-ILLUSTRATED and use actual HANDWRITING for you to belief. i do know precisely what's happening and am keen to percentage my recommendations with you. when you hearken to what I say then issues will quick enhance.

Mr Darcy's Guide to Courtship: The Secrets of Seduction from Jane Austen's Most Eligible Bachelor (2nd Edition)

Model has performed a pleasant activity recreating Darcy at his so much cranky, aloof, and convinced - captivating. '- Publisher's Weekly

Mr Darcy's consultant to Courtship is not any usual Regency courtship handbook, composed because it is by means of a Fitzwilliam Darcy as but unmellowed by means of touch with Elizabeth Bennet. choked with completely justified satisfaction and meticulously cultivated prejudice, Jane Austen's most famed (and such a lot fancied) hero right here unearths the secrets and techniques of his luck with the other intercourse, providing tricks to either women and gents at the ideas of courtship, together with making oneself agreeable, opting for a suitable companion and the way to flee the undesirable attentions of rogues and fortune-hunters.

Also comprises: good looks suggestions from Caroline Bingley, options at the flawed courtship suggestions of Messrs Wickham and Mr Collins, reflections on spinsterhood by way of leave out Emma Woodhouse, and Darcy's suggestion to his many illustrious correspondents together with Lord Byron, the Duke of Wellington and Mr Willoughby of Combe Magna.

Lia's Guide to Winning the Lottery

Cash can't purchase you're keen on. however it can purchase many different really nice issues.

Lia's mum is a nag, her sister's a ache and she's getting nowhere in pursuit of the possibly paranormal Raf.

Then she wins eight million within the lottery, and all at once every thing is varied. yet will Lia's fortune create extra difficulties than it solves?

each person desires of successful the lottery - yet what's it rather like? discover during this hilarious tale via Keren David, nominated for the Carnegie medal.

Additional resources for 500 Dates: Dispatches from the Front Lines of the Online Dating

Sample text

Don’t fret for a moment over the fact that the individuals shuffling miserably round your kitchen have cost you the equivalent of a really good win on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. Meanwhile, if you’ve drunk two pints of beer each and every day since you were 18, (and who could blame you with your family) that would represent a lifetime’s consumption of 30,680 pints. 25 a pint. So your 30,680 pints has cost you around £69,030 in today’s money. 42 If you smoke as well (and who could blame you with the stress of having to find all the money) that will also have cost you a mighty (cigarette) packet since you started puffing away over forty years ago.

This is now estimated to be in the region of £25,572. 40 So if you’ve bestowed two of the little varmints on the world that’s a grand total of £382,482. Meanwhile the average cost of a home in Britain is now around the £200,000 mark. So that’s £582,482 you could have forked out just on having a family. Take a good look at them. Be honest with yourself. Was it really worth it? 41 Well of course it was! Don’t fret for a moment over the fact that the individuals shuffling miserably round your kitchen have cost you the equivalent of a really good win on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.

41 Well of course it was! Don’t fret for a moment over the fact that the individuals shuffling miserably round your kitchen have cost you the equivalent of a really good win on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. Meanwhile, if you’ve drunk two pints of beer each and every day since you were 18, (and who could blame you with your family) that would represent a lifetime’s consumption of 30,680 pints. 25 a pint. So your 30,680 pints has cost you around £69,030 in today’s money. 42 If you smoke as well (and who could blame you with the stress of having to find all the money) that will also have cost you a mighty (cigarette) packet since you started puffing away over forty years ago.

Download PDF sample

Rated 4.89 of 5 – based on 19 votes